Some people just never learn their lesson. After getting into some trouble by prostituting his wife to the Pharaoh of Egypt while pretending that she was his sister, Abraham then does it again to Abimelech, king of Gerar.
Once again, God is on the right side of the moral question. He comes to Abimelech in a dream and says: “Behold, you are a dead man, because of the woman whom you have taken; for she is a man’s wife” (Gen. 20:3). Like Pharaoh, Abimelech is rather taken aback since he was deliberately lied to. But unlike Pharaoh, he has the gumption to say something about it.
“Lord, wilt thou slay an innocent people? Did he not himself say to me, ‘She is my sister’? And she herself said ‘He is my brother.’ In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this” (Gen. 20:4-5). Right on, Abimelech. Right on.
God backtracks like mad and totally tries to play it cool. “Yes, I know that you have done this in the integrity of your heart, and it was I who kept you from sinning against me; therefore I did not let you touch her” (Gen. 20:6). So God, by his own admission, knew that Abimelech is a victim and that Abraham is a liar who is once again selling his wife into prostitution, and yet he threatens to kill Abimelech and “all that are yours” (Gen. 20:7)… Abraham, as usual, doesn’t get so much as a “hey, maybe you, like, shouldn’t do that any more, eh?”
Well, Abimelech wakes up and tells his servants about his dream. He then calls to Abraham and says: “What have you done to us? And how have I sinned against you, that you have brought on me and my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me things that ought not to be done” (Gen. 20:9). I’m really liking this guy. He’s a true voice of moral reason in a book that is thus far sorely lacking in that department.
So Abraham responds: “I did it because I thought, There is no fear of God at all in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife” (Gen. 20:11). I see no evidence of this. All I see is a perfectly nice guy nearly getting killed because a douche lied to him and tricked him into offending the big sky-bully.
As Richard Dawkins puts it, Abimelech “expressed his indignation, in almost identical terms to Pharaoh’s, and one can’t help sympathizing with both of them” (The God Delusion, p. 242).
Oh, but Abraham totally wasn’t really lying, though, ’cause Sarah “is indeed my sister, the daughter of my father but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife” (Gen. 20:12). So the lesson I draw from this episode is that it’s a-OK to lie about your marital status so long as you’re also committing incest. Why was I never taught this in Sunday School?
As punishment for lying to him, Abimelech decides to be really wrathful and give Abraham a bunch of sheep, oxen, slaves, and a thousand pieces of silver and invites Abraham to hang out in his country. Yup, Abraham is rewarded once again for prostituting his wife and lying to people. Abimelech’s gifts, by the way, are to buy back Sarah’s honour (Gen. 20:16), which she lost by marrying her douche brother.
Abraham prays to God, so God heals Abimelech and ‘re-opens’ the wombs of the women in his household (which he had ‘closed’ as punishment for having the audacity of being lied to).
And so we come to the close of Chapter 20. See you on Friday!